Take a load off

Do people indent on these? I find myself pressing tab but it does not indent. It is sort of bothering me but i guess it does not matter. Im listening to the sound of rain on Rainymood.com. It is the most relaxing thing i have ever heard. Especially while i play instrumentals written in minor key sounds. It really tickles my mood to help relax. When im not feeling well or when i am not in a good mood, i generally feel hot. Like as if my body temperature is abnormally warm. And i do not find anything funny. I may come off as angry or brutally serious when i am not in a good mood. Something as simple as humming or the sound of someone drinking drives me insane. I hate being in a bad mood. It sucks my great qualities out of me and turns me into this straight faced shell. I also hate getting nervous. The smallest sense of nervousness makes my body tremble or shake. I tend to laugh cause it relieves me of the shaking, or essentially distracts me from it. Some people find this confusing but it is just how i am naturally. It took me a while to even understand this about myself actually. Sometimes you have to stare at yourself in the mirror and just observe. You may discover something new that you did not notice before. For example like today, although it did involve a mirror, i found out that i really lack confidence. Like i lack it so much that even when i am right about something i will knock myself to a point that i feel as if i am wrong. I am pretty sure that if i had legitimate confidence i would not over-think as much. As a male honestly i think its the most unattractive thing about myself. My lack of confidence. I am not even sure how to build it since i always look at other confident people and wonder why i can not be the same way. Ultimately i just loose hope and accept the fact i will never be confident. Some of you may think that its stupid to compare myself to others but how can you not? Sometimes people have things you wish you had too, not to be better then them but just to help yourself without needing someone all the time to make you happy or keep a smile on your face. That probably bothers me the most right about now. I love having people who can make me smile or make me happy, but the fact i cant even do it on my own scares me. Some of these people can go days without talking to me and be happy as can be. They do not need me. But for some reason i feel as though i need them. I wish i was more of a independent person. Thankfully i had someone who was willing to talk to me all day about building confidence. She's a cool person in reality. We had a difficult time at first but we are past the rough edges now. She gives me good advice sometimes....or even silly little phone calls to make me laugh or smile. I appreciate the little things like that. People who are willing to go their way out to get to me instead of wanting me to do everything first all the time. That really makes me uncomfortable after a while. I do not mind, but sometimes i like to be missed. Maybe i should stop contacting people so much and just leave them. Perhaps they will miss me, or perhaps they will not. I guess in reality it shows peoples true colors. I always hated that line between being someone that is clingy, versus someone that is consistent. I could never tell which one i am being since i like to check up a lot on certain things only since i care. Or i enjoy texting a bundle of things at once. Sometimes i like to leave things for someone to read. Not anything useless but something thoughtful. I never really could tell. And i would hate having to ask cause it seems like something that should be quite obvious. You ever just wonder why if one person ruins your mood or isnt there for you when you need them, you shift into a not so happy mood? i always wonder why. Thats all i wanted to say for today. I still dont know how to end these so...Talk to you soon.