New Kid Here

So lately i have been feeling a little stuck inside my own mind. This is probably one of the worst places to be on earth when my thoughts feel the need to stray away to the dark side of things. In reality this probably one of my biggest flaws. If i did not over-think at all i would probably be the coolest person anyone would know. I am always making people laugh, smile, or just making their day from mere conversation when my mind is sober with normal thoughts. But once it begins to feel intoxicated with all this madness i turn into a person who worries and stresses frequently. It is very annoying. It is like watching my own self ruin something that was never a problem in the first place. My over-thinking started around the beginning of middle school. I was always that kid that was bullied until he cried in a corner somewhere. No one found me cool or interesting. People used to knock my clothes and say i was ugly. Eventually when i learned the concept of being depressed i realized thats what that burning feeling inside my body was all that time. So as the years progressed i never had anyone to help me with my issues since no one cared to talk to me. Until i met some friends. But i never felt the need to vent to them about depressed state since they always made me laugh and smile. So i guess the problem was pushed to the back of my head. The older i got, the worse it grew however. I tried talking to my parents about it but they always gave me a lecture about being grateful for having life in the first place. This is true but why did people feel the need to treat me as if i was worth nothing? Sometimes the comments still pop up in my head and i feel insecure or uncomfortable with myself. In this present day, i am more confident and relaxed but sometimes i over-think still. And when i do, it is horrible. It is like being locked in a dark room with piercing red eyes staring you down, with whispers tormenting you of all the things that could possibly happen. I may start calling this The Black Box. This box is growing weaker each day however. I been getting help from a very special person and they always say something that sticks to my mind and shrinks the space The Black Box has. Sooner or later i will rid myself of this horrible disease in my head. The sooner i do, the better person i will become, dramatically. So im not sure how to end a post or anything but i will post more. This really helped i must say. See you around.