Severe Confusion

So i have not blogged in quite some time so i figured i should give everyone a little update on how i am doing. Well for the most part, i survived the summer. Dedicating your heart to someone who goes through a lot is not as easy as it may sound on paper. If you really care you will be there from beginning to end of any situation that happens. I'm going to name this special Miss. Miss is one of thee most beautiful woman in my life.  I can talk to her for hours and hours and hours. I can not go a day without her. I am convinced i love her. From every second i breathe i think of her. I think of her when i wake up, all the way up until i fall asleep. I am absolutely addicted to this girl. This summer has been pretty hard for me as far as her. I came to realize that she does not want anything from me relationship wise and i just have to deal with it. I question sometimes if she only looks at me as friend while she believes that she loves me. But i understand where she's coming from however. She does not believe in public display of affection , but sometimes I'd like her to show me off. It's almost as if she wants to hide me from all her male friends. It's like she doesn't want any guy to know how she feels about me. And yet i always tell girls im talking to someone  or whatever the case maybe. I'd hope im not making a relationship out of this cause she can do whatever she wants. But i really do not want to play any games. This is the bad side of things though. Now she has been going through so much it's literally sickening. I can not stand all the things that happen to her. Im not going to ramble about whats happened but she has some demons she needs to face. The day she can release her feelings entirely that would be the day we'd both be so happy. I can not stand waking up knowing it takes one encounter with her demons to ruin her whole day. No matter how much fun she may have with me or no matter how much comfort i bring her. It is almost like i haven't done anything helpful for her at all. It really bothers me. I just want her to be happy. And ontop of this, shes dealing with a lot of school work and boys giving her unneeded attention which irritates me as well...it's crazy. Everyday i have to look her in the face and tell myself she loves me just to keep a clear state of mind and prevent myself from overthinking. I must tell you that there are so many case scenarios i could feel my mind inching upon but i am fighting to suppress it so i can stay relaxed and chill. I always wonder things about her. I wonder if things can be too good to be true. I wonder if she does so things she knows i wouldn't like but she won't tell me anyway. There's so much but then i always conclude i just have to trust her if she trusts me. I experienced a lot of horrible things girls have done when i was interested in them. And the Same excuse of not actually dating is always thrown into my face. In my opinion, if you really have strong feelings for me and i have strong feelings for you i will dedicate myself to you. I will lock my attention on you. See where we can go. I dont like being able to do stuff with others and it can be ok. That blows my mind in a terrible way. It's like an excuse to keep you as a fall back or main hoe while the person can go and do they thang. Nah. No. Whoever actually treats people like that is trife. Keep it real. If there's other people lemme know. Don't let me think im the only one. I'm not saying Miss is this way!! Im just explaining my view upon in case anyone is wondering. I just felt like venting for a little bit. I will start to update this as my school year progresses. Wish me luck. I hope me and miss can build something. I'm trying my best to deal with her problems with her and be here for her. No other guy is like me. Im the best for her. I want her so much...im tired. I'll blog ya later people. Cupid, out.